Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Sick Hubby

So my husband is sick.  He is the most difficult sick person ever and is trying my patience.  He wanted me to take him to the doctor, okay that is reasonable.  I hate that office since I was there 2 weeks before Grace died with the stomach flu and then a week after she died with mastitis.  Of course there is a woman in the waiting room with a 4 week old baby, just about what Grace would have been.  I just wanted to curl into a ball and sob.   And at the end of all that he drove both ways and really didn't even need me there.

I feel bad that I am short with him, but he won't do anything I recommend.  He won't drink fluids, he won't try to eat anything, he just wants medication after medication.  I guess that I am also afraid that something bad will happen to him too and then I will be all alone.

I wish that Grace were here.  If I could just have my baby everything else would be manageable.  I think about her sweet face and wonder what color her eyes were beneath those eyelids.  I think about her feet, just like mine with the second toe longer than the first.  She would have been tall like me, she was already 17 1/2 inches at 32 weeks.  She would have been the most amazing person, I just know it.  She changed my life just being pregnant with her, she would have changed so many others if she could have lived.

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