I was feeling okay for most of today, but then I checked my e-mail and there was a message from an old friend who was checking in. I hadn't written to tell her that Grace had died, I hoped she had seen my post on Facebook, but she had not. So I had to write and tell her. The sadness just hit me life a giant wave. I wanted to be writing and telling her how excited we were to get to meet our daughter soon, not to have to tell her that our baby was gone.
I also keep having the strange sensation that I am still pregnant. I feel her inside me still. I want to be pregnant again so badly. I am so afraid that won't happen. I have not written in detail about our struggles trying to get pregnant... I plan to soon, but needless to say that getting pregnant with Grace felt like a miracle. Will lightening strike twice? Can I ask for another miracle? Is it true that once you have gotten pregnant it is easier?
My darling Grace I just wish that you could be with us. You are always in my heart, but I would give anything to hold you again.