Thursday, April 24, 2014

You Taught me to Soar Mama

I had this amazing experience at acupuncture yesterday, I had not been for an entire year and it was a special treat to go.  When I was resting after the needles had been placed I started to think about Grace.  It is a time that in the past I had used to either connect to her, send positive energy to Rosabella (when she was inside me) or to connect to the spirit of a baby I wanted to join our family.  It has always been a magical time for me.  It is some of the few times I have felt Grace's presence concretely.  Yesterday was no exception.  Grace was with me almost immediately, not as a baby, more as a little girl, or fairy I guess.  We both had multi colored wings, she was flying so fast, laughing and playing in the air, flitting between the trees and skimming the surface of the brook below.  I was trying hard to keep up, but she was obviously the professional and my big wings were just not as agile.  I would catch up to her and wrap my wings around her and feel the warmth of her body, smell her breath and just soak up her being so close.  Then we took a rest in a nest high up in a tree.  It was lined with soft feathers, in blues and purples.  She told me that those feathers were mine, that my love for her gave her a warm, safe place to rest.  I started crying and told her that I was so sorry that I did not visit as often as I used to, that I was so sorry I did not do things for her like a I did before.  She told me that it was okay, that I visited as often as she needed me to, that she was fine and I needed to be with her sister now.  She then told me that living my life after losing her, finding joy again, finding baby love again, becoming a mother again had taught her to fly.  She said "You taught me to soar mama."  We played again for a little while longer and then it was time for me to leave.  I was sad about going, I wanted to stay with her forever.  She told me that she was always there, happy and I could visit any time I needed.  I awoke refreshed and more calm than I had been in months.  I know that she is fine and happy and strong.