Friday, March 9, 2012


I got the cd today from the photographer with all the pictures of Grace.  Unfortunately I had a huge fight with my DH and was in a terrible mood.  We fought about my father in law.  My husband asked me to be nicer to this man who has said my baby's name, never visited us in the hospital, never saw Grace or held Grace, did not send flowers or a card or anything...  I don't have anything else to give, I give everything to my grief and I cannot spare extra niceness to people who give nothing to me.  I cried and yelled at my husband for asking something like that of me now.  I have tried to be nice to my FIL, but he is not a nice person and he has hurt me so much and my husband so much that I am done.

I wish that this hurtful day, was not the day I got my beautiful pictures of Grace.  Maybe it was her spirit giving me something good and precious in the middle of something awful.  The pictures are amazing and Grace is so beautiful.  I will share some pictures with the next few posts.

Long fingers just like her Mom.

My Dad watching over me and Grace

Grace outside in the sunshine with her loving parents


  1. She is your Amazing Grace. She is beautiful. The tears are flowing down my cheeks as I look at her perfectness.

    Regarding your FIL, right now there is nothing you can do but take care of yourself. Grief is a time to be selfish. To be in yourself. I have lost friends these past almost 7 months. It is ok. They are gone. It is harder with family. I am so sorry you are having a hard time with him.

  2. Em,

    Thank you so much, I have not shared pictures of Grace with many people. I think she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, but I was afraid of what people may say. I am not afraid any more.

    My FIL has been a jerk for 81 years, I am going to get some distance and then when I am stronger try to re-integrate him into my life.

  3. Grace's mom,

    Grace is just beautiful. I love that you went outside with her. I wish I had done that with Henry. I really like reading your blog. I can't believe how similar much of what we are going through it. My husband got sick about a month after Henry died. I think that is what happens when men get stressed.
    I also appreciated hearing about your expereince going to a support group. we are going to our first one in two weeks. Like you I have found so much support on Glow but my husband does not use these supports so I hope the group will be his way of finding support.

    Thinking of you and of Grace.

    1. It was my husband who wanted to go outside with Grace, it was so important to him. My nurse was skeptical since it was only 90 minutes after I gave birth and she made me ride in a wheelchair to get outside, but once outside she let me walk around. It was an incredibly special moment.

      Thank you for reading my blog. I started it as more of a journal, but knowing that people are reading it and experiencing my journey makes me feel so supported.