Cookies and Milk

I baked cookies today for the first time since Grace died.  I like to bake, I find it relaxing.  I do it as often as I can.  My husband and I regularly take baked goods to work since we cannot eat all of what I make.  I bake all kinds of things: bread, pies, brownies, cakes, but cookies are my favorite.  There are so many varieties, I have lists of types that I would like to make.  I rarely make the same kind twice, unless my husband puts in a request.  He did actually ban me from baking for about 4 months last year, he thought he was gaining weight.  It did not work out well for him since I started making sorbets and ice creams, since they did not involve the oven.  By the way the key to my husband's heart is blackberry sorbet with vanilla ice cream.

I made chocolate cookies with peanut butter chips the week before Grace died.  They were a childhood favorite that I had not had in years and had never made.  I was craving them.  I had picked out the type of cookie I would make next, oatmeal scotchies.  I was on this diet for our Bradley birthing classes, you had to eat 75-100 mg of protein, 4 servings of whole grains, 4 servings of dairy, 2 eggs, 2 servings of green vegetables, 3 healthy fats, 1 regular vegetable, 1 fruit and 1 source of vitamin C daily.  I was having troubles getting all of those things every day.  The whole grains were hard since they were so filling and I had so many other things to eat.  So I decided that I could get my whole grains in cookies.  I never had a chance to make them for my baby.

I wonder what kind of cookies would have been her favorite: chocolate chip, orange marmalade, apricot thumbprints, apeas, sugar cookies?  I would have made all of those and more for her, we would have made them together.

Her feet held in our hands.  Her feet just like mine.