Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Missing her so much at Christmas

This was by far the hardest day I have had in a long time.  My grief was so raw and so fresh, like in the early days.  Just saying her name makes me cry.  I opened a few gifts and then just laid in front of the tree sobbing.  What I really wanted wasn't in any of those boxes.  I want my daughter.  I want my baby girl and I want her RIGHT NOW.  It hurts to breathe, it hurts to be, everything just hurts.  Why can't I just have my girl with me?  Why did I have to be the 1 in 2000 that loses their baby?  Nothing makes sense.  Nothing about this stupid day matters.

Grace,  I love you so much.  My world is so sad without you.  I wish you were here today and every day.  I wish you had presents under the tree and stuffers in your stocking.  I wish your ornament on the tree said Baby's First Christmas and you were here to have your picture taken with it.  My darling, no matter how long you are gone, my love for you will only grow larger and larger.  You will never be forgotten.  I am so sorry I could not save you.  I am so sorry you are not here.  My heart is broken....

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry Christmas was so hard. It does hurt, so much. Thinking of you and Grace and Baby Bear.