i carry your heart

Well we made it.  Made it through three months without Grace.  Made it through her beautiful memorial service.  Made it out of the canyon of despair and now just walk this path of sorrow.  I miss her so much, but I see her in so many places and that gives me solace.

Her Memorial last night was lovely, so many people came, we were overwhelmed by the love they had for us and Grace... she gave us a community.  The minister that we chose was excellent, his words kind and thoughtful. The ceremony was held in our back yard at sunset.  As the Rev, spoke the opening words a Hummingbird darted in and out of the group.  I think that was Grace popping in to say hello and let me know that she was okay and approved of how we were honoring her.  We listened to Iz's version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.  We baptized our baby as a group.  There were two readings from the bible Psalm 139 and Samuel 12:15-23.  Rev Arnpriester spoke and then we all took communion.  We ended singing Hymm 2122 as a group (She Comes Sailing on the Wind).

She comes sailing on the wind, her wings flashing in the sun; on a journey just begun, she flies on.  And in the passage of her flight, her song rings out through the night, full of laughter, full of light, she flies on.

Silent waters rocking on the morning of our birth, like an empty cradle waiting to be filled.  And from the heart of God the Spirit moved upon the earth like a mother breathing life into her child.

Many were the dreamers whose eyes were given sight when the Spirit  filled with their dreams with life and form.  Deserts turned to gardens, broken hearts found new delight, and then down the ages still she flew.

She comes sailing on the wind, her wings flashing in the sun; on a journey just begun, she flies on.  And in the passage of her flight, her song rings out through the night, full of laughter, full of light, she flies on.

To a gentle girl in Galilee a gentle breeze she came, a whisper softly calling in the dark, the promise of a child of peace whose reign would never end, Mary sang the Spirit song within her heart.

Flying to the river, she waited circling high above the child now grown so full of grace.  As he rose up from the water, she swept down from the sky, and she carried him away in her embrace.

She comes sailing on the wind, her wings flashing in the sun; on a journey just begun, she flies on.  And in the passage of her flight, her song rings out through the night, full of laughter, full of light, she flies on.

Long after the deep darkness that fell upon the world, after dawn returned in flame of rising sun, the Spirit touched the earth again, again her wings unfurled, bringing life in wind and fire as she flew on.

She comes sailing on the wind, her wings flashing in the sun; on a journey just begun, she flies on.  And in the passage of her flight, her song rings out through the night, full of laughter, full of light, she flies on.



I made prayer cards for people to take with them.  The front has Grace's sand picture from Hawaii and her birth date on it, the back has the E. E, Cummings poem i carry your heart.  As you know I am not very religious, at least not to any one faith, but losing my baby has made me very spiritual.  I feel faith in a power greater than myself, but whether that is God or the Goddess or just the divine spirit people hold within themselves I don't know and honestly I don't care.  It is good and it feels good.  My prayers are not from any one text, they can be songs, meditations, drawings, poems, whatever moves me.

So I leave you on Mother's Day with my favorite poem, the one I placed on Grace's prayer card for people to meditate on and pray on.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)  


i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) 


i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you


here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or the mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart


i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)


E.E. Cummings

Three Generations.  Happy Mother's Day