Yesterday was Rosabella's due date, and I had a horrible morning that I wrote about here. The rest of the day was calmer. I was calmer. We focused on feeding her every 2-3 hours and monitored her wet diapers closely. She ate 8 times and wet 6 diapers. All normal. I was amazed and how much a part of our lives she is and how I could not imagine that she was supposed to be born yesterday, not with us for over two weeks already! If she could just gain some more weight...
Last night was limited on sleep and she has not had a really wet diaper yet causing me to go into panic mode. I keep trying to remind myself that babies are pretty strong, especially my girl and I need to have faith in her and in myself. It is hard. I did some reading on PPD yesterday and I think that I likely just have the baby blues, but mixed with my anxiety about Rosabella and all the grief that keeps resurfacing about Grace I am kind of a mess. I am trying to get out of the house at least once a day, it seems to improve my mood. Yesterday we went as a family to Starbucks to buy coffee for the DH (none for me and baby!). Today we go to my work to show her off and pick up dog and cat food. I also need to call the lactation consultant and see if we can get Rosabella on a weighing schedule. I would like to have her weighed at least twice a week and I feel more confident in the LC's scale than the pediatricians office.
I also joined a Facebook group yesterday of local nursing Moms. They have a meet up twice a month and I would like to start going. The more I connect with breastfeeding Moms, the more Rosabella seems normal. So many do not grow as formula fed babies do. Does this mean that we need two growth charts: one for formula fed and one for breast fed? It is hard enough to breast feed and then feel like you are not giving your baby adequate nutrition.
I have also not written Rosabella's birth story yet. I came home from the hospital without Grace and started writing like a mad woman, like if I did not get it down on paper the few precious memories that I had of her would disappear and I would have nothing. With Rosabella I am so consumed with other issues I have not had time to write and then since I am emotionally low at the moment I don't want that tint on what was an amazing and beautiful experience. I promise that I will start working on it soon to share.
Well it has been 3 hours since her last feeding and she is still sleeping so time to wake up my girl and make her MAD.