Friday, June 7, 2013
I have to admit that I have not been coping very well with being a mom to a newborn. I am stressed and anxious and cry frequently. I feel isolated and alone even though my DH is here with me. I suspect that I am having some post partum depression, but lack the motivation to do anything about it. Rosabella seems fine, but is still way off her birth weight, at just under 7 lbs. The pediatrician wants to weight her again Monday and if she has not gained 1 oz per day then he is talking about further testing for failure to thrive. I am a wreck about this. I nurse her round the clock, my breasts hurt, my nipples hurt and still she does not gain the way she should. I feel like such a failure, like I am going to lose her, they are going to find something wrong with her and I will lose another baby... I am overwhelmed. I am really thinking about giving up on breast feeding, I am not sure I can emotionally handle it and it does not seem like Rosabella is doing well with my milk. I am so scared. I know how to be pregnant and how to give birth, but I don't know how to get my baby to thrive. FAILURE to thrive. God I hate that phrase, I just need to know that she is going to be okay. Grace please keep watching over us and protect your sister. I cannot lose another baby. I cannot fail at this.