I am now almost halfway through week 11. I am so tired, emotionally, physically, mentally. We continue to try and bond with this baby and I think that is going well. I sometimes think I can feel the baby move, which is silly this early on, but I love those moments. I still have those moments I am so scared for this baby, scared that I will come home from the hospital again with empty arms.
The holidays are here and trying to deal with those is hard. I am kinda ignoring Thanksgiving... I got an invitation to a friend's house and we just have to bring a couple of side dishes. Christmas is more problematic since we will put up a tree and likely have some people over. I decided to spend the money I would have spent on gifts for Grace to buy items for the Children's Hospital. I made an order on Amazon and they should be here soon. It was very bittersweet, wishing that those items could be for her and also knowing that they would make a really sick baby's day a tiny bit brighter.
So many conflicting emotions, maybe that is why I am so tired.