Her Second Birthday

Well I survived.  I made the cake.  I packed for the picnic.  I ate the food, I spoke her name to the wind and the birds and dreamed of what it would have been like to have her here.  I couldn't sing though.  I tried, but nothing came out but a whisper.  I told her I loved her, and missed her and that I was so glad she was mine and that some day we would be together again.  She graced my world and my life and I am a better person because she was my baby.

Two years ago she died

Two years ago today, she died.  I felt her move for the last time while getting ready for work and she died sometime during that hectic day.  Would it have been different if I had left when I had not noticed her moving?  Could I have saved her?  More than likely by the time I noticed she was already gone and nothing I could have done would have changed that.  I know that, my brain knows that, but my heart, well my heart doesn't understand.  Even 2 years later it doesn't understand.

Last night I cried myself to sleep with Rosabella curled against me.  I am so glad that she is here and healthy and amazing, but I miss her sister so much.  I want both of my girls.

Today is a day for mourning, it is the anniversary of the worst day of my life.  In two days time I will make a cake and we will go to the National Forest nearby for a picnic and we will remember the joy that Grace brought and honor her memory with laughter and smiles and eat a pink cake.  I will tell her sister stories about her and I will try so hard not to cry, because Grace brought me the greatest joy you can ever ask for and remembering that is essential to honoring her.